Funny things happened when I began trusting the Lord to plan the size of our family. Occasionally, I would calculate the hypothetical number of children we would have based on current children, my body’s unique child spacing pattern, and the approximate years left of fertility. I would envision big vans and multiple bunk beds in one room.
My desire and yearning for more children to raise up for the Lord grew and grew…
Yet, even with all that desire and all that yearning to behold another person to love, my arms have at times remained empty.
Yes, I have 4 children, which is more than the normal 2.25 kids per family, but they have not always come when I wanted them.
I’ve wondered how some women give birth every 18 months and secretly wished that was me.
I’ve felt twinges of jealousy when friends announce the exciting news of their pregnancy.
I’ve slowed on breastfeeding hoping that would help things along.
I’ve wondered how others will know our family is pro-life and that we view children as a blessing and not a burden.
I’ve wished that our family too could be a living testament to the beauty of authentic Catholic family life.
I’ve forgotten that we gave this to God and that we trust Him in whatever His will is for us. Isn’t that what it is all about after all?- accepting His will and not an accumulation of children?
“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the sons of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has
his quiver full of them!”
Yes, children are a blessing from the Lord, but my quiver is not yours and yours is not mine. If I trust the Lord, our quiver will be full, though it will not be the same size as another’s.
We were promised nothing in return when we gave our fertility to God. So often women balk against the thought of “all those babies,” but it may very well be that you won’t even have all the babies you want.
Have I entrusted not only my fertility to the Lord, but my infertility as well? Do I believe He controls the whole kit and caboodle and that He is Sovereign Lord?
Children are gifts – not rewards, not guarantees. Pride and selfishness can seep into even the most “holy” of desires and we must constantly guard against making ourselves and our plans the God of our life.
This strong desire the Lord has placed in my heart is good and right, but I must not let it turn sour by trying to mold it into my will and not His.
These four arrows the Lord has placed in our quiver make our life so full. I truly am blessed. My prayer is not so much for the Lord to fill my quiver, but rather, to help me accept my particular quiver, whatever it may be, and to sharpen these sweet arrows that they may be a mighty weapon in His hand.
Lord, purify my heart. Help me to accept whatever Your will is for me. I trust in You, Jesus, to be the Author of my life. All praise and glory be to You forever and ever! Amen.
(As we celebrate NFP week, I think it is important to remember that we are not all called to practice NFP. The Catholic teaching on married life is absolutely beautiful, but practicing NFP is not the foundation for the fulfillment of genuine Catholic living. In fact, it should be only in exceptional cases that married couples practice NFP.
As Catholics, we tend to focus on opposing the contraceptive mentality of our culture by assuring outsiders of the viability, efficiency, and relational component of NFP. As a result, we often miss sharing the core of the Theology of the Body and what that entails for Catholic married life.
I would also note that I do not believe everyone should have as many babies as they possibly can. That too is not a part of the Catholic faith. Rather, we are called to pray and discern the Lord’s will for our family throughout the course of our married life. Serious physical, economic, psychological and social conditions are all valid reasons to postpone children.)
I really needed this. I struggled with so many fertility treatments to get pregnant with our two girls and I long for another child. I feel dmso blessed that the Creighton method and particularly NaPro technology helped me get pregnant as I simply can’t get pregnant without additional hormones. It’s very hard because I ache to have one more but because if significant health issues I have my husband and I have prayerfully decided that postpone trying for our next right now…at lest until I’ve recovered and have more strength to carry another child. But it’s not guaranteed I will conceive and I find I have the give this desire to God. I have to trust he loves me and that I am special to him, even when it sometimes feels like my body is not working optimally, despite whole foods eating and regular exercise. I remind myself that I’m only seeing a few puzzle pieces, but he sees the whole puzzle
This is so true, Marci. We really don’t see the whole picture. I doubt the Lord will be counting the number of our children before we enter the pearly gates. Rather, I think He will examine our hearts for openness to His Will (whatever His particular Will is for us), our trust in Him, and our faithfulness in the life He has called us to! God bless you!
Sorry about the typos! I pressed send before checking etc
I know this is not the main point of your post, but my attention was caught by your comment about others knowing you are prolife and viewing children as a blessing, not a burden. With 4, many people probably already view your family as too big.
We currently have 4 as well, and because they are so close in age (ranging from 4 months to 4 years) EVERYONE seems obligated to stop and comment on the number of our kids and tell me that my hands are full. I am getting so tired of strangers stopping to tell me this. Any suggestions for cheerfully and kindly answering annoying or critical comments on the number of children you have in a way that gives a good example? I know these are the times God is calling us to be “a light on the hill” but I just get really annoyed by people’s comments. Thanks for your thoughts! I always enjoy reading your posts.
You are absolutely right in saying that 4 is more than most people have these days. However, it seems in Catholic homeschooling circles when we are chatting about others we tend to say something along the lines of, “They only had 4 kids.” When we get to those bigger families, we lose count and say things like, “I think they had 7,8…I don’t know they had a bunch of kids.”
Strangers comments don’t bother me at all, but I maybe don’t get them as much as you do with 4 so young. I think we often assume the worst intentions behind these comments. We don’t know the heart of the speaker. I just give them a big smile and say, “Yes, my hands are full in a very good way. They are such good helpers!” Be proud of your sweet family, not only on the inside, but on the outside as well! If you believe they are a blessings, then act like it too! Do you want to be the worn out bedraggled mother with ALL those kids, or the “Wow! I saw this mom with 4 kids at the store today. She looked genuinely happy and her kids were so well behaved! It was beautiful!”
I bet you have people tell you what a sweet family you have at times too! Remember those sweet comments (maybe that’s what those others are trying to say too, they just don’t know how to say it!).
Thanks for your thoughts! I’ll try to keep those ideas in mind next time. And God bless you as you struggle with your fertility issues. I do not have that problem myself, but have a close relative who has lost almost a dozen pregnancies. It is a very difficult cross for her to bear and no one can seem to find out what is wrong. I think there are many who struggle with these problems.
Unfortunately, there are many who struggle. My dear friend says, “Some are blessed with great fertility, some are blessed to be great parents. Sometimes the two don’t go together.”