MY CONVERSION TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH
{This week, I’ve been sharing my conversion to the Catholic faith. May my story be an encouragement for those seeking not only unity in their divided marriage, but also the fullness of truth. This is Part Two of Three.}
(You are reading) Part Two: A Dangerous Journey
Part Three: Blessed be the Tie that Binds
A rocky engagement…
I had said, “Yes,” and we were so excited to live our lives together, but our engagement was met with anything but excitement. After telling future Husband’s parents, their first response was, “But you aren’t the same religion.” Not what we were going for.
When I phoned my parents, they sounded less than thrilled. Later they would call me back and ask me to hold off on sharing the news of our engagement until after my sister’s wedding three months later. I was told they didn’t want me to steal any of the spotlight from my sister, but I can’t help but believe my parents thought we were too young and that this would give us time to change our minds without making a scene.
Husband and I have the best of parents, and I know they said what they said and did what they did out of love for us. Their decisions stemmed from their desire that we have the best in life.
After my sister’s wedding, we shared our news and the planning for our wedding began. I would have loved to have gotten married that same summer, but it was decided it was for the best to wait one more year before we said, “I do.”
I wanted to be married in my little white church on the hill. Future Husband agreed, but started the process of a dispensation. (A dispensation is a process that can be undertaken to validate a marriage within the Catholic Church even though the wedding takes place outside of a Catholic facility.) I didn’t exactly understand what the big deal was, but since we had to do some marriage prep anyway, we might as well do it at the Catholic church in our college town.
During our Pre-Cana class, we met with a deacon and his wife. They were so warm and kind to us, but they never asked us the hard questions. The topic of birth control and welcoming children was never breached. Instead of telling us we needed to raise our children in the Catholic Church, I was told we were both to share our faith with them. Within the context of PreCana, we never once discussed our faith differences and how we would handle them.
You may wonder if future Husband ever offered me an ultimatum. I don’t know why, but he never once said I must join the Catholic Church in order for us to get married. The only reason I can give is he knew that I would have chosen my faith over our love. It was odd how our faith (as weak as it was) formed the center of our love, but at the same time was a wedge between us.
On August 5, 2006, I married my best friend in the little white church on the hill. Surrounded by loving family and friends, our lives became irrevocably intertwined.
A rocky honeymoon…
Two days later, we were headed toward Duluth, Minnesota, the starting point of our honeymoon Circle Tour around Lake Superior. Both of us had never been on many vacations and we looked forward to spending two weeks together enjoying the lake before our last semester of classes began.
You would think that by this point we had hashed out how we were going to live our interfaith marriage, but we had, surprisingly, been able to continually brush the subject under the rug. It was a painful topic that usually ended in tears, so we had avoided it as much as possible. Bumping along in our little blue Saturn, I remember clearly our discussion on how we would raise any children if God would bless us with them.
I said flatly, “We will raise them in whatever non-Catholic church we like the best.”
Husband went through the roof! How could I not be okay with raising our children Catholic, but any other denomination was just fine? Wasn’t I aware that between some Protestant denominations there are greater differences than between the Protestant and Catholic world? Looking back now, I see how silly my idea was, but at the time, it made perfect sense.
Tears again. Not a good way to start a honeymoon. Let’s brush this trouble back under the rug again.
Back to school surprise…
Home from our honeymoon, we settled into our dumpy, little apartment in married student housing. We didn’t have much, but we had each other, and we were happy…for the most part. Husband began his new job and we dove headlong into our last semester of college.
One morning, midway through the semester, I felt terribly sick. I couldn’t be expecting…right? I thought I would find out for sure. I will never forget that moment when I found out we were going to be parents.
I had big plans after college graduation and they did not involve a family. I was beginning the process of looking into and applying to physician assistant schools. Yes, I wanted a family…but that was some distant day in the future. Everything was up in the air now.
This child was truly God’s gift to our marriage, though I was blind to that at the time. The coming baby forced me to stare my priorities right in the face. I felt drawn to the life I had led growing up with both of my parents always around, but I was smart and I felt the tug to climb the ladder of success.
I remember being so afraid to tell my parents that we were expecting. Even though I was excited about being a mother, I cried the entire time. I felt that I was such a disappointment to them. They had worked so hard to give me a good education and here I was throwing it all away.
After lots of consideration, though not a lot of prayer, I decided physician assistant school was not the right path for me. How could I spend all day at school and come home and study while I tried to raise a little one? I called and cancelled my interview with the PA school. I didn’t know what my future held, but I knew it was turning into something quite different than what I had imagined.
The weight of a child’s soul…
After graduating from college, Husband and I moved 10 miles away from our college town. I set to the task of setting up home in a town where I knew no one. I felt depressed, scared, and worst of all alone.
On May 31, 2007, we welcomed our little boy “Jim” into our lives. This baby forced us to face up to our faith differences. Would the child be baptized? Though I had been raised in a Presbyterian church (which promotes infant baptism), I had not been baptized until I was confirmed at 14 – a vestige of my father’s Baptist background. I wanted my own children’s baptism to be a personal decision. This obviously clashed with Husband’s belief in the need for infants to be baptized.
My in-laws started asking about when “Jim” would be baptized. Phone calls and emails were sent encouraging baptism for our new child. Why couldn’t they just keep their nose out of our business, I wondered? (I’m grateful now that they were so concerned about the salvation of our child, yet, at the time, it drove me crazy!)
Changing directions…
Little “Jim” was about 5 months old when I got the call that my uncle had unexpectedly passed away. For some reason, my close knit family had been spared any major trials and tribulations and his death was a real blow to us. I left little “Jim” with Husband and rode with my aunt and uncle to the funeral 10 hours away.
While my uncle’s passing was hard on my aunt and cousins, they exuded a peace and joy through the hard weekend of the visitation and funeral. Throughout that weekend, I heard stories of my uncle’s lived faith. He would start his morning reading the Psalms and then pray that God would help him touch whoever he came in contact with.
I was moved. I wanted that unexplained joy and peace. I wanted that faith. I wanted that heart full of love for God and His people.
Arriving home from the funeral, I resolved to dig faithfully into my Bible everyday like my uncle had done. I began reading through the Bible every evening. I fell in love with God’s Word. Daily I looked for direction, healing, transformation, and encouragement within the pages of my Bible. I so needed my daily dose of God as I struggled to adjusting to life as mom.
Around the same time I read Lee Strobel’s, The Case for Faith. I was blown away by the validity of the Christian faith. I grew to own my faith. It was no longer something I believed because I was a good girl. I believed God was real. I believed He sent His one and only Son to redeem us. Owning that changes everything. I needed to give Him everything.
A crazy arrangement…
After living in our rental for a year, we began searching for the perfect house for our family. The search took a year as we tried to find the perfect combination of house features, location, and price tag. We ended up hoisting ourselves 10 minutes farther away from Husband’s work to Tiny Town, USA.
Tiny Town, USA has 2 churches within its city limits: Methodist and Catholic. Before moving, I turned to Husband and said, “I don’t care what you do, but I am going to go to church every Sunday when we move. I’ll be going to the Methodist church if you care to join me.”
Up until this point, our church attendance had been very sporadic. When we did go to church, we church shopped. We would attend a church and then discuss the service and denomination after attending. I wanted a church with a small town feel, great sermons, and Christian fellowship. Husband’s main qualm with my favorites were that they weren’t Catholic. Frustration and tears were my Sunday ritual.
Frustrated by our unfruitful attempts, we would avoid church for awhile before we tried again and repeated the whole process over again. I had grown up going to church every Sunday. Now, I felt a piece of my Sunday was missing. I wanted a church family. I wanted a church home.
I had no clue what the Methodist church believed, but it was a small church and it wasn’t Catholic. It was good enough for me.
Every Sunday morning I would dress little Jim and go to church. Sometimes Husband would come, and sometimes he would stay at home.
I continued to read my Bible daily, even taking up the challenge of reading the entire text in a year.
WIthin a month, Husband was going to church every Sunday too. But he did something that really ticked me off. He wasn’t going to the Methodist church, but rather the little Catholic church. Yet, our parent hearts wanted to present a united faith for our son. So, while it might sound crazy, we eventually started attending both churches.
One Sunday, we would attend the 8:30 am Catholic service as a family, then I would sit through the Methodist service alone at 10:30 am. The following Sunday, Husband would go to the Catholic service alone followed by a Methodist church service as a family. It might sound crazy, but it was a step in the right direction.
Asking tough questions…
As I continually thumbed through my Bible on a daily basis, I felt a growing desire to become united in our faith. How could I read about “one flesh” and “submitting to your husband” without thinking that God wanted our spirits fully united? I began to realize that my marriage did not reflect what God desired for the Christian home. {This is not a discourse on submitting to your husband. That is a post all its own. The point is that I saw through the Bible that God wanted our faith unified.}
I knew God wanted us joined fully together, but I wasn’t sure how we were to get there from where we stood. I would have happily joined the Catholic Church if my conscience would allow it just to bring peace to our family. I began praying more often and more fervently about this gulf between us. It wasn’t that I had never prayed, but I had so easily lost faith and given up in the past. I resolved to knock down the doors of heaven until God fixed our mess.
Husband began reading his Bible on a daily basis. Then the worst thing of all happened: he found Catholic apologetics. He began downloading audio talks and debates on the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism. Then he told me to listen.
One night I went for a walk and there was nothing else on the Ipod, so I listened to a debate about faith alone. I hated that talk for two reasons. One, the Catholic speaker seemed so arrogant, callous, and unloving. I was totally turned off by his demeanor. The second reason I hated that talk was that the Catholic apologist, as rude as he was, actually made sense.
When I got home, I told Husband I didn’t want to listen to anymore of those hateful talks.
Around this same time, I began trying to dig into the reasons for the different number of books in the Catholic and Protestant Bibles. Naturally, this led to asking myself where the Bible came from in the first place. I don’t know why I had never asked myself this very fundamental question before. How did we know that the books included in the Bible were the right ones? Why these books and not others? Were the books of the Bible self evident?
I started putting my Bible questions to faithful people at church. No one had an answer.
I still hated the Catholic Church. I so wanted a united marriage, I would have joined the Catholic Church in a heartbeat, if only I could silence my conscience. But I could NOT worship Mary, I could NOT look up to a power hungry celibate man in Rome, I could NOT dismiss all the evil done by the Catholic Church throughout the ages, I could NOT, I could NOT, I could NOT!
A Dangerous Prayer…
Day by day, my desire to unite our marriage grew. I was restless. I had trouble sleeping at night, knowing God wanted this resolved, but not knowing how that was to come about.
Little “Jim” had grown into a big 3 year old. I so wanted a sibling for him. Yet how could I bring another life into this crazy life? How could we continue dancing the tango on Sunday mornings? How could I put up with another little voice asking if we were going to Daddy Church or Mommy Church this morning?
I was worn and exhausted. I had tried so long to prove my religion to Husband. I had reasoned, cajoled, begged, cried, screamed, and suffered for our four years of marriage. I needed a miracle. I needed God.
One morning, amid my morning prayer time, I broke down. The sunlight streamed in through the porch windows and tears rolled in torrents down my cheeks.
“God, I don’t know what to do. Lord, I’ve prayed. I’ve waited for you. I’ve tried to be faithful. I’ve done everything I know to do. I cannot do this anymore, God. I need you. I need you to act. Please, Lord, make us united. Help us to become one. I will do whatever it takes. Lord….I will even…(whisper) join the Catholic Church if that is what you want me to do. Lord, I know you would never ask me to do that, but if that is what it takes, I will do it. Lord, just take the wheel. Take this pain away.”
Two weeks later…
I knew I had done something rash. It was just a burst of emotion. Yet, I had this profound peace and knowing that God was going to act. He was going to do something. I didn’t know what, but I knew.
Two weeks later I sat on the steps of our garage talking to Husband as he puttered away at something on his workbench. He had been short with me earlier and I was trying to find out why. It didn’t take me long to find out that the in-laws had been at it again – encouraging him to have Jim baptized. Here came another painful “discussion.” As our talk escalated, I turned to go. I was going to make him hurt and then make my dramatic exit. As I grabbed the door knob, I said spitefully, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to become Catholic, won’t I?” My favorite form of hateful banter was sarcasm. It was my strong suit.
Normally, all the frustration, hate, and pain would well up after arguments like this, but this time, it was different. As I left the garage and fled to our room for a good pity party I was struck with a peace. I made it upstairs and flung myself on our bed. I was crying, yet there was a sudden inner clarity. I have never heard the audible voice of God, but if I have ever heard God speak, it was at that moment.
Yes. This is what I want you to do.
You have got to be kidding God! Join the Catholic Church? It’s so, so…evil! So, so…..messed up! So…..PAGAN!
Yes. This is what I want you to do.
My Conversion to the Catholic Church:
(You are reading) Part Two: A Dangerous Journey
Part Three: Blessed be the Tie that Binds
This is great! As a recent convert (2014) I can identify with so many of your thoughts and actions 🙂 God is so awesome, isn’t He? When we give Him our all and actually listen to HIM, it’s so clear and so peaceful! <3 Can't wait for the next part tomorrow.
Thanks so much Amy! It was really hard to write it all out. Husband and I have been able to give our testimony as part of a local PreCana, and I do much better speaking. God truly is amazing!
What a blessing you are for sharing your testimony of God’s perfect love!
It IS impossible to tell our conversions in its entirety simply because there’s no way to impart in the listener (or reader) the love and peace and grace and awe that God gives (and that’s what we long for THEM to experience more than anything!).
I’ve found, as I’m sure you have, that people always want to hear the story (I do, too! It really fans the flames of zeal in our hearts). The most interesting part, to me, though, is how the Holy Spirit customizes what is shared according to the audience each time. While I never change the story, different parts need to be heard by different people. That always leaves me in awe 🙂
Amen Amy! I’ve also been amazed out how the Holy Spirit works differently in bringing about the conversion process in different people. Some are touched by art, others reason, other by history…. There is definitely no step-by-step process. Praise the Lord that He has this thing figured out for us!
Thank you for sharing your testimony, you are blessed for bearing witness before men and the angels and saints. I am deeply touched by it. I’m a cradle Catholic mom of 7, and your testimony has inspired me to dig deeper and put a greater effort into living out my faith faithfully so as not to cause scandal, but rather so Our Lord will be glorified by our life. Thank you so much for this beautiful testimony of trial by fire and of God’s faithfulness and goodness.
Belem- How sweet of you! Thank you so much for your kind words. It is hard putting it all out there, but if I can encourage anyone, it is worth it! God Bless!
Thanks for sharing your story! I like your blog very much.
Thanks so much, Stacie! Your comment makes my day. I wasn’t sure how to share this on the WWW, but I hope I did the right thing!
Just read part one and two, looking forward to part three! Thank you for sharing your story! My story is similiar only viseversa, I am a cradle Catholic and my husband grew up attending an Assembly of God church. We are high school sweethearts and also married in 2006. We were both 19! I too didn’t know much about my faith but I knew I couldn’t leave it. In fact, I recall telling my parents that we would like to get married in any church but mine or his to make it fair. My mom told, me in a very calm voice, “Then don’t expect us to attend.” I know now she meant well and I thank God she did what she did. We married in the Catholic Church and he converted 6 long years later. We are now growing in our faith together attending Latin Mass. I really enjoy your blog! Thank you!
Thanks so much for your sweet comment Mayra. There are so many couples that are interfaith and I feel it has been an unexplored area in conversion stories. It makes it so hard to be united. I’m glad that God has blessed your marriage with union too!
I am enthralled by your website and your story! I am a frequent visitor of Peacefulwife.com. Have you visited her website. She is not Catholic but an amazing woman of faith such as yourself. My husband and I are Catholics. When you mentioned ‘submission’ I thought of her website that addresses the issue. If you get a chance to go through April’s blog I would really appreciate your input on it. God bless you and I appreciate your book recommendations, I bought the Catholic Concordance just yesterday as I am interested in reading more Holy Scripture.
Thank you so much for your sweet words! I have not heard of Peaceful Wife, but I would love to check it out and give you my thoughts. Submission is a sticky subject and one I don’t know if I am brave enough to address. I know what it means in my marriage, but for the dynamic in other marriages can be completely different. It would be something I would really have to seek direction from the Lord on before I could confidently post about it!
I’ve just met you through your blog and feel such strong inspiration from the genuine way you express yourself which reminds me so much of April which is why many of us love her blog. Thank you being such a blessed voice of inspiration for us Catholic sisters.
Thanks again! I must say that I went to her blog and while there are elements of God’s truth there, you must also be careful when reading non-Catholic’s viewpoints on particular subjects. There were some links about what was morally acceptable within the context of the marriage bed that I found in direct conflict to the Catholic Church’s teachings on the Theology of the Body. As long as you are able to read with a discerning heart and expose the views you read to the light of the Catholic faith, I think reading non-Catholic blogs is fine (I do it myself!). I find it wonderful that a woman is interested in submitting and honoring her husband! May God bless you and your desire for a Godly marriage!
Thank you. That was a new post and I completely agree however I was more thinking about her site in general and how it teaches women to be in the spirit of Christ. I was looking fir a Catholic site that mentors women similarly since she is so popular but could not find any. Thank you for taking the time to respond. God bless you.