Teaching our children about suffering

‘How do you teach your little one about suffering? ‘

A dear reader asked me this question several months ago, and, at the time, I didn’t know. The Catholic view of suffering was something I had tried to educate myself about for 5 years, but in the end, just couldn’t wrap my mind or heart around. Besides, I am a pleasure-seeking member of Generation X, and the very thought of sacrificing makes me less than comfortable. Giving up coffee for Lent nearly kills me!

How was I, of all people, to teach my littles about suffering?

We can educate, read, and research about doctrines or teachings, and, yet, never really know the thing.

Where we fail in our weakness to understand Truth, the Lord steps in. He takes us places we don’t want to go, places we could never have imagined we would be, and He shows us things we, in our humanness, could never grasp.

And so, the Lord stepped in to teach me about suffering and He gave me opportunity and grace for sharing His mysterious ways with my children.

I’ve seen my 5 year old boy say a prayer before blood draws offering his suffering up for someone else. Nurses stood by amazed at his composure as they drew vial after vial after vial. He taught them the power of a little boy’s faith as he prayed the name of Jesus for all to hear.

I’ve seen a child give in sweetly to a sibling so they could receive a pearl in their heavenly crown.

I’ve heard a child’s whispered bedtime prayer for unrepentant sinners, and seen sacrifices made for them the next day.

So, dear reader, I now have an answer for you.

Ways to teach your {Catholic} Child about Suffering

Confirm God’s Goodness

If our children are to take on suffering, they must understand that our God is above all loving, merciful, and good. He is not a cruel God who takes pleasure in seeing us hurt. This concept is foundational!

If our God is truly good, and He desires our good, then whatever He sends our way is for our betterment. In some strange mysterious way, even our sufferings work for our good.

Give your child an eternal view

It is important that our children have a Christian world view. Do they understand that there is much more to life than what we can see with our eyes? Do they know that our ultimate goal is to love God, to make Him loved, and to live with Him forever in heaven? Without an eternal view, suffering makes no sense whatsoever.

We’ve had many discussions about what the Lord is doing in our own family. We talk about what God could be doing in the midst of the hardness that is our reality right now (I would also note that we help the children see our blessings too!). He could be teaching us compassion. He may be trying to move us down another path, or He may be trying to draw us all closer to Him.

Turn experiences into discussions

The Lord has shown suffering to our family up close and personal, but you don’t need to suffer dramatically to hand on Catholic teachings about suffering. Every single one of us knows people who suffer and we can turn these instances into faith-building discussions.

Don’t hide suffering

Many of us are tempted to hide troubles from our children and create a false reality for them. Instead of hiding sadness from our children, we need to share it with them in an age appropriate manner.

Get in someone else’s shoes

When we visit our elderly neighbor in the nursing home, we talk about what it must be like for her to sit there with no visitors for days on end. We show our children how we can alleviate some of her pain by our visits, prayers, and sacrifices. Help your child “put on the other person’s shoes.” This is especially important if your child hasn’t experienced strong personal suffering.

Teach your child the power of intercessory prayer

Husband and I love to tell our children how their prayers are more powerful than our own. Knowing God listens in a special way to the prayers of children, they begin to take seriously intercessory prayer. Our children have a mental list of people who need prayer and they pray for them faithfully every night. This is the first stepping stone to “offering up” sufferings as a form of prayer.

Find inspiration

Don’t you just love how the Lord hands you a book and speaks through its pages directly into your life? Our family recently had this experience. We had gifted the children with Mary Fabyann Windeatt’s Children of Fatima for Christmas. Several weeks ago, I picked it up as our family read aloud and was totally blown away at the simple yet profound way the author set out the message of Fatima. I was learning right along with the children.

I found us having deep discussion on nearly every page:

How to offer sacrifices
How obedience and God-given sufferings are of more value than self-chosen sacrifices
What is reparation
What is conversion
How we must ask God to help us love Him more

If you need a jumping off point to discuss suffering and sacrifices with your children, consider reading through this book with them. Don’t just read it. Instead, turn it into a family discussion and prayer.

Show them opportunities

Our 6 year old Christian makes huge daily sacrifices, but our other children are given ample opportunity as well. It is our job to help them see the opportunities to take on a sacrifice as a form of prayer.

Give in sweetly to a sibling.
Share something they would rather have for themselves.
Obey mommy or daddy with cheerfulness.
Do a good deed without being asked.
Getting blood drawn bravely.

Give them a visual

I love Mary Reed Newland’s idea for encouraging our children to make little sacrifices and how it has eternal rewards. She tells them they are earning a jewel or pearl for their crown in heaven.

Another method that makes sacrifices tangible for children is the use of sacrifice beads. Several months ago, each of our children made a set of sacrifice beads. They don’t use them everyday, but making them provided an opportunity to discuss “making gifts to God.”

Be open and honest

Above all, be honest with your children. My kids love to know I’m a person too. They like hearing about my inner struggles against my selfish nature. They like to know that I don’t really understand suffering, but that I firmly believe I can trust Jesus.

Let them know they need help

Show your children that they cannot bear sufferings or offer sacrifices in their own strength. Ask the Blessed Mother and Jesus for the gift of the Holy Spirit to help in suffering.

May we all learn to trust the Lord in both the mountains and valleys of life!