Troubleshooting Routines (Where paper and pen meet real life)

It has been awhile since I’ve posted the Nourishing Routines Project, but there is still more to say on this subject. This past summer (like every previous summer), found me reflecting on what was working organizationally for my family, revamping schedules, routines, and systems to promote a smooth start to our school year. This summer, I had a blog, so I took you, dear reader, along for the ride!

If you missed The Nourishing Routines Project, you can find all the posts here:

In that series, I covered how I personally create and use routines in my day to day and helped you do the same. Later, I did a follow-up post on how I incorporate those routines into a loose family schedule. BUT, there is need for one more post before I lay my laptop to rest.

When Life goes Haywire…

Ironically, as my posts on routines went live here on my blog, our family’s life was turned a little helter skelter. Husband came down with a bad case of Mono. Apparently, adults can have severe cases, and his was definitely on the extreme side. It was bad enough that he ended up missing work for over a month.

But even though things weren’t necessarily easy during the last month or two, we praise God that it was Mono not cancer, for good disability insurance, and for friends and family who came to our rescue along the way. In the grand scheme of things, Mono is manageable. We are grateful that God helped us see the blessing of good health and that Husband is well on his way back to it.

So what happened to our days during this rough patch? Did we actually follow our well laid routines and schedules? Yes and no. The routines I had in place helped me know exactly what needed to be done and when, but I certainly didn’t follow them to a tee.

Boiling it down to Essentials

Unconsciously, I let the non-essentials fall away during Husband’s illness and instead focused on several tasks I personally find necessary for survival and sanity in our home. Your list of essentials may be different than mine, but the idea is the same. Simply ask yourself what the top tasks and habits are that will allow your family to function or to help you make it through even the roughest of days. I would also note that boiling down your day to the absolute essentials is a great way to get started with routines if you are a complete newbie.

The following 5 tasks are things that I must get done to call it a successful day:

Time with God

While it may seem like we have less time to devote to God during tough seasons, it is essential we give Him the time we do have. Yes, I love to dig into the Bible, write scriptures in my journal, and reflect on them throughout my day, but when I was exhausted from playing both mom and dad, I focused on getting 5 minutes of time with God in the morning and 5 minutes at night. Instead of working through scripture with some of my favorite Bible study resources, I read the Prayer for Morning (during my personal prayer time) and Prayer for Evening (which I read aloud for Husband) from the Magnificat. While I struggle to use The Magnificat on a daily basis (I prefer to read directly from the Bible), its grab and go format was perfect for this season when I did not want to take the energy to make yet one more decision.

Generally, this item is the first thing I want to drop off my list when I feel overwhelmed. It is a real struggle to keep this #1.

Meals

Children and husbands must be fed, whether we like it or not. While our family’s meals were extremely simple (and they usually are), I attempted to make them as nutritious as possible under the circumstances. I know good nutrition can be a great defense against illness as well as a great tool in recovery. I also took mealtimes to intentionally focus on fellowship with my children. I seemed to run from one need to the next the rest of the day, and so I used this time to feed not only my children’s tummies, but their hearts as well.

Laundry

I greatly fear a pile of laundry staring me in the face. I do as many loads of laundry a day as it takes to clean out the hamper. This simple habit allows me to never get overwhelmed with laundry. I continued getting the laundry done on a daily basis when Husband was sick, even though I technically could have put it off.

General Pick-up

Busy seasons are not the time for deep cleaning. In fact, I’ve found that as long as things are generally picked-up, I can put the cleaning tasks off for quite some time. The dust, the smudgy windows, the dirty cabinets go unnoticed more easily than the tripping hazards strewn about the floor.

House Cleaning Necessities

Each house is different, but in my house the only cleaning tasks I find absolutely essential on a day to day basis are vacuuming, sweeping, swiping the bathrooms, and scrubbing the kitchen floor. Note that this doesn’t mean I vacuum or scrub the kitchen daily, but that I make sure there isn’t dog hair or crumbs coating our carpets and floors. (I do; however, find sweeping the kitchen essential everyday…it is one of the blessings of having littles gathered around my table!) As long as we can move about our house without tripping over lose junk, walk through the kitchen without permanently sticking to the floor, use the bathroom without being completely grossed out, we are good to go!

While these 5 tasks were the most important to me, there were others things that I tried to accomplish during this crazy time. The following tasks were less important, but I still tried to get to them as often as possible:

Read aloud sessions (this is my time to connect with the kids even on the busiest of days)
Some school time (more is better, but when life is tough, a little is better than nothing)
Some office work (bills better get paid on time!)
A cleaned up and dressed mama (it sets my outlook and productivity for the day)

Things I Pulled from my Routines

So, obviously, I didn’t do all my tasks everyday. Somethings just had to go. The beauty of routines is that you don’t need to stress if you drop them for awhile – the time to complete them always comes around again.

Devoted Exercise time

The first thing to pull was my morning running slot. I was bummed, because I was just getting into a rhythm with this, but I couldn’t leave the sleeping kids with Husband, who really needed good rest. When Husband started feeling better and I could leave him alone, I did occasionally manage to load everyone (except for Husband) in a stroller or on a bike and get a run in before taking the clan to the park. I also was solely responsible for mowing our yard, so that was a good way to break a sweat too (90 minutes of push mowing is enough to start a flood of sweat really!).

Zone Cleaning

During my routines posts, I touched on how I avoid major spring cleaning by focusing on a particular “zone” of our house on each week of the month (Week 1-Entry/Schoolroom, Week 2 – Baths/Laundry, Week 3 – Bedrooms, Week 4 – Living Room/Dining Room). I totally dropped the zone cleaning. No one walking through my house would know the difference, and I picked it right back up as things returned to normal. Aren’t routines great folks?

Projects

Saturday is project day around here, but all projects were halted. That was a simple no brainer!

Troubleshooting Routines

Besides my own bump in the road, I’ve been getting some feedback and questions from several of you readers too. If you’ve got questions, I hope you find some of your answers here. If not, leave a question in the comments or email me and I can get back to you!

Reader Problem #1: What do I do about kids that throw my routines/schedule off?

Such is life. Remember the routines we have in place aren’t what make us a good mother. Instead, your routines and schedules are a tool in your homemaking toolbox to help you in your journey to being a better mom. They are meant to take the burden of housekeeping and daily tasks off our minds so we can freely enter into the moment.

Don’t think of your routines as something you need to focus 100% of your attention on and then check-off. Routines are to direct us and move us through the day, but we should be moving WITH our children. We don’t bustle around with our mind on the next task while our children live in some parallel life that never joins ours. We dance to the music of our routine together. (You may want to read about how I create “cushions” of time in my schedule as I implement my routines in my post here.)

More practically, when a child brings up a request to do something, but it doesn’t fit into that part of our day, I tell them “Not now. Now we are doing blankety-blank. You can do thinga-ma-jig at such-and-such a time.” I make sure I tell them when would be an appropriate time to do the activity they want. If they balk, I tell them I understand they want to do that, but sometimes we need to do things in a particular fashion and if they continue to have a sour attitude then it can become a discipline issue.

Now before you think I’m a mean mom, you may want to see what my children’s schedules look like. I do not schedule every moment of their day, nor do I ask them to finish a long list of tasks daily. I do assign them responsibilities that are part of being a member of a family and I expect those responsibilities to be completed well and with a joyful attitude.

Reader Problem #2: What about my husband throwing off my day?

If you haven’t already, read the first couple paragraphs on children throwing off your day (above). Again, routines are a tool, not a dictator. Let me answer this question by giving you a little case study from my own home.

I am the planner in our home. I like to start my day with a plan and aim for getting lots done while living in the moment. Husband is much more spontaneous. He loves to suggest on the spur of the moment a tromp around a local park, a fishing expedition, or a get-yourself-lost summer drive. I’m not saying I can’t be spontaneous, but, in general, I like to be the one who comes up with the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants idea. In the past, Husband’s personality could frustrate me at times.

I slowly learned that this was who God gifted me for a husband, so I needed to compliment and work with his personality. I have learned to plan my day well, but have also learned to lay aside those plans and follow Husband’s lead. I know that there will always be another time to finish those tasks. This is why routines are important, they always come around again.

Through communicating with Husband (usually during our nightly dates at home), I’ve been able to get him to help me keep our day on track. He now calls me before he leaves work so I can have supper on the table when he comes in the door. I also keep our days more structured in the morning and completely unscheduled after supper. Our weekends are also fairly free. This allows us to do spontaneous things at those times more easily.

When I bow the schedule to Husband’s whims, we always have adventures that the children will remember for life.

So, work with who God created your husband to be and communicate about the areas in your schedule where you need him on board.

Reader Problem #3: My kids don’t have a routine.

I am of the belief that children are happier when they know what to expect in their day. My children trust meals will happen at regular intervals, that we will have reading time every afternoon, and that they will have plenty of unstructured play time at some point during the day. Knowing this, they rarely bug me about snacks, to read a book, or about never having time to play when I ask them to do something (notice that I don’t say they never bug me about these things!). I also find that having a regular routine where my children do specific tasks at specific times helps avoid the discipline problems that develop from boredom.

If you have no structure to your day, begin by creating very simple routines for your children. Start with regular meal times, a reading time, and a fixed nap or quiet time. Once those hard lines are established, you can fill in the day with a few more tasks. But, avoid over-stuffing your children’s schedule. It is important for children to also have some totally unstructured time in which to explore their world.

Read about delegating responsibilities to your kids here.

Reader Problem #4: I’m not getting through all the tasks in my routines.

Routines are great, but don’t worry about checking everything off your lists everyday. Aim for an 80/20 rule. That means complete your routines 80% of the time, but allow yourself some grace the rest for the other 20%. I rarely do everything in my routines everyday. The routines are there to help me know what needs to get done and to help me aim my efforts toward a target.

Reader Problem #5: What do I do when we aren’t home for a portion of the day?

Again, regular routines always come back around again, so if you skip something for one day, it isn’t going to destroy all your efforts. If you are gone all morning, simply pick-up where you left off when you get home. In other words, drop the morning routine and start with your midday routine. There may be several undone tasks that will need to be shifted to a different time slot. For example, if feeding the dog is part of your morning routine, you will have to find a time to squeeze that in. We wouldn’t want old Fido to starve, would we?

Reader Problem #6: Where do I start?

Find your essentials and start with those. Essentials for our family are time for God, meals, laundry, general pick-up, and a handful of cleaning necessities. Once you have your essentials in place, slowly add on more tasks, starting with items of most importance. If you haven’t already, read through all the posts in The Nourishing Routines Project. Here they are in order:

Troubleshooting Routines (Where paper and pen meet real life)

When Life goes Haywire…